The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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