What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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