Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize