he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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