my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
