Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He did a backflip because drugs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
