I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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