Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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