Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
