She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
