I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
