you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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