mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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