I wish I could punch you in the face.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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