I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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