I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
