an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
