so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
