Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
