I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
