so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
