just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love accidental penises.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
