I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
