Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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