Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
