i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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