Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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