your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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