was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
