Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
