Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
