All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
