dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
