when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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