So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
