I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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