Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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