I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
