worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
