I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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