yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize