i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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