At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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