So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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