what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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