O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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