he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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