guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
honey bunches of taint.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
40s are totally the cure
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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