All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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