i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
