kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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