Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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