I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
