Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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