and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize