i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
