I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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