For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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