She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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