So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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