Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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