I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
