He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
