There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
