I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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