oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
