Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
