is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
