I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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