hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
