And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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