Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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