As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
