just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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