Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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