Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
