whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
