the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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