once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
