I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
