Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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