My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
