I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
