hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
