so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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