For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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