2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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