That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The uberlube is also flammable
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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