question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
