There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
