You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
