I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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