Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
